You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
