my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
