i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
