I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
