theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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