ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
