The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
