i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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