I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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