im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
