I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
