wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
