There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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