Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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