Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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