im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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