I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
