"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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