I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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