I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
