My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
