im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my liver is dry heaving
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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