This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
