do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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