is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My orgasm happened in two different decades
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
