Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
