oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
