his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
