At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
