I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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