this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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