Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
