i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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