M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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