I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
