We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
