I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
