Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
