We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
