i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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