I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
