woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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