PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
