called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
