mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
