hell yes lets make some ravioli
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
