I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
