my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
