I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
