I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I bet he comes in French.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
