Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
